Chronic pain. I have heard people say that they deal with "chronic pain". Although I understood their words, I couldn't imagine what that would be like. I would conjure up my experiences: accidental (read: clutzy) burns, cuts, scrapes; girly stuff like monthly cramps and cysts, and seemingly unbearable stuff like the occasional excruciating migraine...none of which I would ever want to attach the word "chronic" to...
Now, for years I've had a painful area in my upper back--between my shoulder blades. It began with a car wreck where I tried to restrain myself (sans seatbelt) from a bench seat when we were rear-ended. This was many moons ago, and really it only hurt when someone would touch me there...and how often does that happen...lol!
Fast forward to maybe a year ago...
I started getting these intermittent pains in my upper arms/ shoulders. They were pretty nasty, to tell the truth. Like, if I went to raise my arms, it would take my breath away--kindof like a knife would...
You may be wondering if I had thought to "have it looked at"...of course I did. But, when I went to the doctor, it was one of those "intermittent" times, and I could only faintly describe what it "would" feel like if I were currently experiencing the pain
<insert doctor's patronizing smile here>...
Time went on, and the pain became less "intermittent"...enter the term "chronic"...
my fore-shoulders became my bane...
Being the "queen of search" that I am, I began my quest for self-diagnosis. I determined that I must have a "bi-lateral rotator cuff injury", since all of the movements that the sites said would be difficult, were! Of course, there was no precipitating "event" or "injury" which should have caused this trauma, but at this point, I didn't really care.
I began a regimine of excercizes the sites listed as being valuable for strengthening this injury.
Boy did it hurt!
Oh yeah, I had made another doctor's appointment also...just to have him confirm my brilliant diagnosis.
Then something strange happened....
Suddenly, both of my hands and my wrists started experiencing the same sharp pains! In the morning, they were stiff and ridiculously hard to move, but they hurt the rest of the day also. Ughhh....
So my appointment finally arrives and I anxiously await the wisdom of my physician. After what I would consider a rather cursory examination, he tells me that I have osteoarthrosis...yep, arthritis! Just like that! I walk in young; walk out ancient!! The nerve!
So now I'm like, "what about tests?" He sends me off with an order for the xray of ONE shoulder...(yep, one...guess mine are symbiotic or something) and a perscription which he assures me is NOT just a painkiller/anti-inflammatory....
Guess what...it was a painkiller/anti-inflammatory....
Meanwhile, the pain keeps getting worse, and his meds? Oh yeah, they do NOTHING....
So I request a referral to a rheumatologist....
Of course, I can't get in there for a month, but--by now--I'm just happy in the hope that there is a diagnosis.
His verdict? Evidently, I have 12 of the 18 "tender spots" indicative of fibromyalgia (none of which include fingers, hands wrists or shoulders). In addition, my bloodwork (Yes, he did bloodwork!) showed that the meds I am taking to treat my hypothyroidism is not strong enough, which could also be causing me pain. Oh, and I tested positive for lupus, but--when my thyroid gets straightened out, that may prove to be a false positive.
Oh yeah, and I DON'T have arthritis...this has nothing to do with my joints...we think...
So yeah....
That brings me to my new reality....
My meds are changed, and I am believing for a healing. In the meantime, I hurt. I feel like such a whiner. I have always been strong--not many girls aspire to be body builders, but it was the only sport I seemed to excel in. Now, I am still relatively strong, but everything hurts. Even doing absolutely nothing hurts. Ughhh....
So, if you've read this far....uhhh...thank you?!
I know it wasn't interesting or funny; I just really needed to vent. I would love if you would keep my situation in your prayers, when you think of it. Tony & AJ have been wonderful, but I really don't like feeling less than whole.
2 Corinthians 12:9 "But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."
